My parents died within five months of one another. This was a most difficult time in my life and I was looking for strength and consoling from my family and friends. However, at my parent's funerals, people would say things to me that were of no comfort. In fact some of their words made me feel worse. I'm sure that these people did not want to be insensitive; it's just that it's difficult to know what to say. Sometimes the right words of comfort elude us. I believe at times, it is appropriate to say nothing.
I remember people telling me what a good life my father and mother had lead, how they were in a better place and that their time had come. I didn't want to hear any of these observations, even if they were true statements. I wanted my father to live forever; I wanted my mother to live forever.
Pbs Kids
If you find yourself in a situation when you need to say something to someone who has lost a parent, I hope the following two lists of comments will assist you:
Five Things to Say
o I understand that you are in pain, let me know if I can help you
o No matter how old your parent is, I know their death is difficult for you
o Even though your parent was elderly, I understand that you want him (or her) to have been here on earth for a longer time
o Even though your parents was sick, we are almost never prepared for the inevitable
o Take your time in grieving; there is no time limit to your grief
Five Things Not to Say
o He (or she) was old so you should have expected their death
o He (or she) had a good life
o His (or her) time had come
o This too shall pass
o You will get over it in a couple of months
No one knows the depth of the loss unless one has lost a parent themselves. However, our comments can be of great comfort to those who are grieving over the death of their parent.
What Do You Say to Someone Whose Parent Has Died?